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Hey Reader,

You know that TikTok trend that goes, “Put a finger down if ______ [insert whatever you want to confess, but don’t want to the only one admitting].

Well, put a finger down if you hold yourself to unrealistic standards or levels of perfectionism that you honestly couldn’t meet unless you had a village of people backing you up.

Now, put a finger down if you know you could be doing more in your life, but you also make excuses for yourself and can talk yourself out of anything that takes an ounce of consistency.

You probably thought I wasn’t going to swing the other way, but I did, ha!

Look, you know by now that this is a judgment-free zone, because I’ve been on both sides of the coin. I’ve been ambitious enough to think that I really could do anything, only to later be humbled by the throes of life. I’ve also been lazy enough to let go of things that were very well within my reach, but that might have required a little more effort or strategy on my end to reach the goal.

Charge It To the Game

Now, I’m not going to get into specific experiences on this one, or even into the reasons why I somehow found myself wrapped up in both scenarios (believe me, I have plenty of examples). However, in both experiences, I found myself shaking my head and wondering, “How did we get here, Deborah, Cox?”

When you are crafting a life that you believe is full of purpose, every experience can be a lesson. However, it doesn’t mean that we have to experience everything to learn the lesson - let me cook.

There are some things we could have avoided had we used our own book smarts or street smarts. But so often we override our own discernment.

In some situations, this can result in us beating ourselves up over situations where we knew better but didn’t do better. Rather than stew in what coulda, shoulda, woulda, I’ve learned that sometimes you just have to charge it to the game.

(Disclaimer: Don't charge it to the game in a "toxic positivity" sort of way. There are absolutely circumstances that need more than "thoughts and prayers" sentiments, a massage, and my little blog to overcome.)

Moving Beyond Bad Decisions and Unfortunate Events

Sometimes life just happens. By no means am I saying that we shouldn’t grieve outcomes or that we shouldn’t be accountable for events in which we play a role. But what I am saying is to make a little room for grace. I’ve been around some of the most decorated artists, actors, and creatives, and rest assured, you’re in good company. Every G has a slip-up.

To be transparent, a couple of weeks after I posted that graduation recap, some things started to go haywire for me. I’m talking about everything from a plumbing issue in my house to scheduling extra doctor visits, to a canceled flight, to me being late in celebrating some milestones for friends. As a matter of fact, I still have texts I need to respond to and phone calls to return. But I’ve had to constantly remind myself to give myself grace, and you can too.

The late, great Clarence Avant once said: “It’s not the setback, it’s the get back.” Side note: If you haven’t watched his documentary, The Black Godfather, on Netflix, you should.

If you find yourself constantly being set back or being paralyzed by fear from what you feel like is a slip-up, you’re not alone.

Try to imagine what your situation would be if you were to move past this. You may need to pause a passion project, ask for help, or, in some instances, lower the bar.

• If your kid needs homemade treats for school, maybe store-bought brownies will get the job done this one time (you can put them in a separate Pyrex bowl, I won’t tell).
• If you want to post every day on your business Facebook page, post every 2-3 days instead, while staying consistent.
• Instead of worrying about how to write a book, start with a publishing monthly blog or create an e-book with similar principles and see how that goes.

You see? Still keeping the responsibility, but moving forward.

A great friend of mine, Sara Patton Adair, once texted me something I’ll never forget: Small steps add up to big moves.

Don’t let a mistake stop you from remembering how insanely talented you are. Mistakes will happen. Do whatever you have to do to recover and keep going.

Always speak life,

Vannesia

Continue the Conversation:

• Join the MOXIE Roundtable on 7/27 for a free, live conversation on life, business, and career. RSVP here.
• Looking for support with your business, brand, or career? Work with me.
• Interested in having me on your podcast, panel, or stage? Invite me to speak.
• If these reflections have been meaningful, you can buy me a cup of tea.

Affiliate Disclaimer: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. Keep in mind that I link these companies and their products because of their quality and not because of the commission I receive from your purchases. The decision is yours, and whether or not you buy something is completely up to you.

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